Eurovision 2014 backstage at the hospital cafe

May 9, 2014

in-politically correct expert opinions backstage at the hospital cafe warming yo cheeks up for 2moro evenings Eurovision 2014 Contest


can somebody repeat the last title for meh

April 4, 2014

I went to an early 90s ‘tory’ or ‘whatever government’ licking un-official christian primary school. but not for long after being sat facing the wall since the start (4 or 5 years old) left in my own urine and feaces until my Tourrettes Syndrome and OCD became so bad I was in an insane asylum before my 10th birthday. Faith style school just being another alarming method to dehumanize children on mass to systematized naive complicit drones that maximize Tory Corporation Donors Profits

just another ripp off my fb

June 6, 2011

my status:
I don’t bite, unless you want me to

anoynmous male friend: I bite, even if you don’t want me to

me: your not gay, you just want a nice girl… with a nice arsehole

mcdonalds breakfast and facebook scams

December 5, 2010

sorry again for no posts in months! okay so I moved out and skilfully landed myself an unpaid job, aren’t you jealous… and as goes without saying waking up early (half ten) naturally requires leaving the gaffe without making breakfast (a young man literally kills for an extra 15 minutes of bed), this is where our beautifully butted american friends give us a helping hand by inventing us mcdonalds breakfast! and If it’s wrong, then why does it taste SOOOO good!?

well I soon find out why, apparently I have to get my back into it again and shovel as much shit into a wheelbarrow as I can and dump it on some plants that appear to eat shit… not long, after a few shifts it’s surprising how easily an egg and bacon mcmuffin can attempt to slip out between your buttcheeks, I guess there might be one downside (excuse the pun) to greasy food.

a little tip to readers, reading the blog starting from the bottom up makes most sense in this crazy uncategorised blog, and there’s a well hidden about page too that may or may not help some people out.

now we’ve done the boring stuff

in relation to:

Change your FB profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood. The goal? To not see a human face on FB until Monday, December 6th. JOIN THE FIGHT AGAINST CHILD ABUSE; copy & paste to your status”

which incase you haven’t noticed all your facebook friends turning into cartoon characters (yes you weren’t just high! As if any sober people read this) was due to that viral facebook status

was later followed by another facebook viral (noticeably just before dec 6th):

“‎… ATTENTION: The group on facebook asking everyone to change there profile pictures to their faavourite cartoon character is acctualy a group of paedophiles. They are doing it because kids will accept their friend requests faster if they see a cartoon picture. It has nothing to do with supporting child violence, ITS ON TONIGHTS NEWS tell everyone!!”

i checked some news sites and put

“its not on bbc news or itv news websites. either way we probably should have thought this one through lol”

its pretty interesting psychologically (yes I am occasionally fairly deep sometimes)
if you dont change this then we feel really guilty etc.
and the whole world does it
you could compare it to, dont do that and ill hit you
which is how the whole world runs, good or bad

so you might aswell not bother doing “all this for a good cause” anyway

I guess after all that the lesson (and moral) of the day is:

Be a heartless cunt like me!

PS: and can someone tell skinny women to stop looking through circus mirrors?

because desertion is a fact of life

June 13, 2010

(convo of the day)

I’m nearly an E (boob size) ME: that’s like my GCSE results

(convo of the day)

I admit it I’ve been really shit to you readers (if there are any left). I could apologize but what human does that? well unless it doesn’t actually mean an apology.

for anyone that didn’t watch the football, england were playing really well until the goalie threw the ball into the goal, no really…. NO….. REALLY!

and back on track the lesson of the day is never underestimate the looneyness of women

my dream

April 13, 2010

my 1 was sad it was like a skl trip and i chose the wrong class 2 be in i wanted to be in the 1 where every1 was in a bikini then i accidently broke n punched a airvent in annoyance and was like oh shit someone has to pay for this lol

and gradually my bog gets shitter

because people want an everyday update

April 9, 2010

there is absolutely NOTHING exciting to write about today the only highlight is I just found a weird fluffy object on my bed and flicked it and it left a blood trail coz it turned out to be a dead spider, possibly WAS a living spider. now i’ve got weird brown bug blood smeared across my new sheets, gods creatures are so insensitive! Just so you know Rat Pawns Poison can not and will not be held responsible for the time of your life you have wasted reading this and there will be no refunds of lifetime… goodbye!

oh and by the way this blog insert is so rubbish I don’t think we’ll even bother with a discovery today

oh ok maybe I will be bothered to post it, todays greatest discovery was when I woke this morning and looked in the mirror this was staring back at me

yes there you have it, your blog host is the devil


skeeeeeeeen so this is what hard work is like

April 7, 2010

hello, sorry I’ve been busy sweating my tattoos off my backside working up a builders bum on a whole day of indoor destruction work so I haven’t shared my wonderful life with you as much as you love me to. okay so maybe I only have an excuse for one day but hey this is my blog and I decided to be lazy. actually If I’m brutally honest I actually forgot/lost the web address of my blog, not a very good start ey. according to jammy forgetting your blog address is like forgetting your toilet roll (being caught short). but jammy is a nerd and actually I forgot what he compared it to so I just made up that bit, Aren’t I inventive.

well now comes the hard part. I have to think of todays major discovery. well I’m gonna have to say it is that walking up and down a busy london road a billion times over is a good way to threaten the local drug lord competition.

piss out i mean peace out

Todays greatest discovery apart from blogging, this will probably be an everyday or post feature

March 17, 2010

well todays greatest discovery was an iron maiden

It is a coffin like object that you stick misbehaving humans in and the lid has sharp spikes on it and the lid slowly shuts with a blood collector at the bottom, although I’m not quite sure who gets to keep the blood. maybe the family? nothing quite like medieval torture, jeez, i’m hungry.

welcome to the wonderful world of Rat Pawns Poisons blog!

March 17, 2010

okay for my first post i’m just going to steal my biography I just made, enjoy…

“like the rat evolving to beat the poison, I’m evolving onto blogging, cause clearly the old man down the pub who used to listen to my stories discovered hearing aids and no longer appears so interested, thank god for the greatest never trashy world wide web”

I didn’t believe in blogging, until I met Raisa